1. |
Intro
01:23
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2. |
ICB
01:57
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It’s a feeling-
A feeling that i can’t explain
The way hurts to scratch fresh scars
Its evidence of all my mistakes
It’s the way rough sex and a car crash can make you feel so alive
Its destructive
Its collapsing
It’s a callous
It feels so right
It’s the way a soldier is proud of his scars
It’s the way you grit your teeth at night
It’s the way your whole body clenches before a fall
(I am falling)
It’s the way your knuckles bleed after a fight
It’s a constant reminder
Like the blue bird on my shoulder
Who can’t sing so she clings and screams in my ear
Just as a way to say: “I’m still here”
To remind you of her presence
The way a rabid dog shows its teeth
It’s the taste of blood in my mouth
The way a spoiled child tugs at your sleeve
My voice is raw
And i struggle to project
I sound sick
I am sick
So i guess it makes sense
Like a symphony for a riot
This is tension
This is violence
Like a clenched jaw in a smile
It’s a sore throat reminder
I’ll never stay silent
When you’re numb and detached
And you keep losing track of the truth
There’s nothing that you can do
To stop these ill city blues
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3. |
Me, Myself, & Isolation
02:38
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Obsessed with an obsession to be anyone but myself.
Infested with the misconception that there's no one I can tell
That I'm numb to everything
but I still feel the fucking pain
Although I want to change the world
I'm avoiding it just the same.
I. CANT. HOLD. ON.
I can't hold onto love
because my hands are full from holding grudges.
I reached to a god above me,
to save me,
to love me,
But he ruins everything he touches.
“Desperate, so desperate.
I need to love, I need to breathe” *
Oh diving bell above me,
Set me free
Obsessed with an obsession to be anyone but myself. [take me away]
Obsessed with an obsession to be anyone...
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4. |
Pillars
03:47
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I’m waking up to feelings unfamiliar
I am the Julius Caesar among his fallen pillars
I’ll disrupt the peace like a disease of new age
I’m out of step and out of tune, and far out of place
Its unsettling when all of my emotions other than anger seem temporary
When every smile has a timer
When every sigh of relief seems short of breath
I’m casting shadows of a past
That lingers in my head
Of broken hearts and mistook steps
And all the things i’ve never said
With every stroke of my pen
I hope to find some sort of hope
And find answers in between the margins
To make sense of what i already know
Oh, this red leather bound book
The manuscript of a lost soul
Oh, this red leather bound book
The end result of dying alone
So i’ll pin it to my chest
So that I can never forget
The man that I am today
Is nothing like the boy in my head
To every lover and every friend
Look me in the eyes and see my angers spelt out in red
Be warned
I am an artist of ever-elusive form
Painting smiles over the tragedies that I hide in my head
[If you only knew... I am consumed]
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5. |
Ransom
01:38
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I fear no god, nor any man
I only fear the things that I don’t understand
See man is too predictable and driven by skin
And religion is woven in fiction, and i’m just not convinced
But the mind is a dangerous place,
And I seem to get lost in it often
My imagination is a coffin
And my conscious is too honest
A paradigm of paradox
I’m hostage to my own thoughts
Not every cell is surrounded by bars
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6. |
Apathy
02:05
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For the calls that i won't answer
when they ring on my phone
suffocating in love,
yet somehow all alone
For the change in my pocket
that i never give up
to the hands shaking and waiting
as they rattle their cups
For every tip that i don't leave
For every liter of blood,
every panda, every oil spill-
I still don't give a fuck
it's apathy...
I'm detached from 3rd world suffering
every storm, and every flood
I fall asleep to national tragedies
and every movie theatre with a gun
For every Livestrong bracelet,
and every 5k walk,
every compost,
every mason jar,
every last red tailed hawk
From the president,
to his politics,
and organic meat
For every AIDS quilt,
every pair of toms,
and every Superbowl team
[i don't care]
I find no clarity in charity
let the world go extinct
I'll just close my eyes and smile,
and try not to feel a thing
Its hard to feel
for anyone else
when i still don't
understand myself
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7. |
Wandering Weeds
03:04
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I have my father’s craft
of burning bridges and pointing fingers
So i took a match to my right hand
But the guilt still lingers
I am the hay in a stack of needles
Losing skin just to fight on through
When everything i feel,
And everything i am
Is to not every feel
Or every be like you…
a creature of habit
with a knack to destroy
an artist of the ashes
with a craft to avoid
those smiling faces
in those familiar places
that keep me up at night
that keep me paranoid
So i confess
I need progress and movement
A simple cadence
I am elusive of constance
Its just another mask
To help me blend in
To help me detach
I’m a jack of all traits
And even more faces
I can mold
I can adapt
I can be quite persuasive
we are the weeds
disguised by smiles
our roots run deep
and spread like a virus
we’re ugly
and broken
and scared
and dying
we’re the thieves
and wolves
and traitors
and liars
dirt under nails
from digging our graves
we are the beautiful burdens
that god never saved
Black ink spreads
Of thoughts left unsaid
I have no direction
Turns my fears into stone
And nobody knows
I’m losing my perspective
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8. |
Stones
03:21
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I threw away everything
In a moment of disbelief
And I set fire to the streets
Now there’s nothing left of me
So I’ll bottle it in
Just to contradict
Then I’ll self-destruct
I’m a hypocrite
Repulsed by myself
Now just an image of him
Best keep your distance, lover
I’m toxic
So i’ll drown myself just to wash it away
Cleanse my skin, feel it fade
I am nothing, I am broken
I am all alone
Just a coward among kings
Who sits upon his hollow throne
I miss every salty kiss
I miss the way that we wasted away most nights
I miss your love
I miss your hazel eyes
I miss your touch
I miss your crooked smile
I know that you were the best of me
I know that I made a mess of things
And now i’m drowning in the shorebreak of Victoria Beach
In every face,
Of every wave
Those hazel eyes are all i see
(and they brand me the arsonist
and it was all for nothing...)
For the first time I am the villain
I’ve never known this side of pain
I’ve spent my life digging through the rubble, piecing back the fragments
But now they cast their stones at me
Cast your stones
I am deserving
Cast your stones
At me
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9. |
Lipstick
04:43
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Mother, May I?
the sound of your heels on the cold tile floor
i miss your business suits,
that old perfume that you always wore
your short cropped hair that bobbed when you stepped up and down our street
that red lipstick
and every kiss that never washed off my cheek
for every broken dream
for every memory
i scream for you
for all those scars that you'd hide
when you'd tuck me in night
for being my rose and my sky
i dream for you
you said,
"Mijo, I'd love you to the moon and back"
so i started counting feet and retracing my steps until i'd lose track
and i remember
stiff knuckles dipped in arthritis and diamonds
that hollow house
that room that you'd hide in
night after night after night
in a bottle of E & J
but you can't escape me
i remember you pulling at my sleeve
begging me to dance, despite the lights, in the middle of the street
so take my hand,
and follow me into the sun
we'll burn alive
we'll burn tonight
we'll burn forever
we'll burn as one
but she's an expert at throwing her life away
turned depression into a science
into poetry
she paints pictures of loneliness and tragedy
her heart doesn't beat
it just breaks and cracks...
i wish that i could...
rufie that bottle with logic and direction
i wanna replace that brandy with love
with a father
with a second chance
and drown her in it
Take my hand and follow my breath
With each step that we dance i’ll keep you safe
I’m throwing stones into open waters
Just so the ripples can’t reveal your mistakes
i guess i'm just my mother's son
i guess i'm just my mother's sun..
i want to rise on her empty nights
and put hope back into those beautiful eyes
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